I’m not sure why but the new year finds me quite melancholy this time.

Usually I am a big fan of new beginnings, new lists and new opportunities.

None of the new sounds that appealing to me this year for some reason.

I’ve tried a few times to make some ‘goals’ for the year, to reevaluate and ponder and reflect.

But so far, I have only figured out two things:

1 – I made most of the same goals last year and didn’t do a great job at them.

2 – Instead of new, I think I’d rather have some not-new….as in old or same or familiar.

While the past year has in so many ways been a breath of fresh air and I’ve watched my husband flourish and thrive at a new job, still the sense (for me at least) of starting over with finding friends and a community of people to be a part of is painfully slow and hard.

I’ve tried to embrace all the new that our life has held the past 18 months and I have certainly done my best to let go of where we’ve been.  But in the in-between-ness of it all….I guess it just isn’t always lovely.

And that’s okay.

The four smiling faces that greet me every day sure help me keep moving forward and believe me, I’m grateful for that.

So…no list of resolutions here.  Just a slightly cynical (today at least) mama.  Who can’t seem to pen even one thing on her empty journal page entitled “2010 dreams and goals”.