As I pondered the status of my heart this morning-not wanting to pull the covers back and let the light in, I couldn’t help but remember that this was supposed to be the year of choosing joy. We were finally beginning to pick up the pieces and find our way after a difficult transition out of the church I grew up in where my husband had pastored for 10 years.

Then three weeks into January, we experienced the horribly tragic loss of Chris’ dad – Grampy to our four children.  Simultaneously, my beloved grandmother was in a hospital fighting for her life in an ICU across the country.  What a way to start the ‘year of joy’ right?

I have not figured out much.  I have questioned my faith in who God is.  I have refused to pray because I will not utter words unless I really mean them.  I believe this is all okay.  It’s part of the process of walking through great pain and loss.  But that doesn’t make it one stitch easier.

The second part of the Psalm 30:5 verse, “weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning” has been running through my mind this week.  What about when weeping lasts longer?  What about the fact that ‘a night’ might mean months?

I don’t know.  But I have seen God’s promises fulfilled more times than I can count.  So I choose to believe that yes, joy will come in the morning.  And joining in with one of my favorite blogs, I will post my list every Monday and choose to be thankful for something.  Even to be thankful when life doesn’t look or feel wonderful.

#1  a cozy home full of love and messes

#2  food on the table

#3  tender words shared in the dark, quiet night

#4  sleeping in till 8 AM

#5  the comfort of a stranger who gave me her shoulder to cry on

#6  knowing someone is praying for me

#7  celebrating a precious six year old

#8  giddy laughter that spews from a two year old