Not for the faint of heart, be warned.  And I don’t know how to upload my husband’s nifty little logo so you’ll have to live without that today.  Really, this is more of a synopsis that our usual list of ‘heard’ quotes from our entertaining little people…a couple nights ago, I was just getting in bed, Caleb had been asleep a long time and I thought Kyler had finally gone to sleep for the night and I heard this:

Kyler: “Caleb, (s)top doin’ dat to me.  CALEB, top it, top doin’ dat me now!!”

Me (running into the dark room):  “What’s wrong?  What’s going on? (I notice Caleb is sitting up) Caleb sweetie, why are you sitting up?  What did you do to Kyler?  He was almost asleep! Are you okay?”

Caleb: “I’m fine, I’m okay.”

A familiar smell wafts my direction and I quickly figure out he is not at all fine.  I climb up to his top bunk just in time for him to projectile vomit nearly in my lap all over his bed.  I now use my super sharp reasoning skills and determine that what Kyler was referring to a moment before was more like ‘something warm and wet is coming down the wall into my bottom bunk-oh my goodness this is disgusting there is wet stinky stuff pouring into my bed from above-I don’t know what’s happening here-my pillow is covered, what is my brother doing to me? I’d better holler even though she told me to be quiet and go to sleep‘.

I start yelling for Christopher to help, he was asleep on the couch so it took a minute for him to register that I needed him.  I try to wrap up the blankets but do a crummy job, as I hand them to Christopher, chunks of food fall all over the floor.  Kyler and Rylee are trying to watch at the door.  I’m in bed with Caleb trying to get his covered jammies off.  The smell is overwhelming.  Unique.  I’ve never seen so many chunks of food.  Big chunks.  I backtrack a bit to figure out what this all is.

Ivar’s has been my favorite fun quick place out for a long time.  I have loved it since I was a teenager.  We had spontaneously hopped down to Ivar’s that night for dinner with my parents to enjoy the last nice day this week.  Caleb inhaled 3 pieces of fish.  And fries.  And the oranges I brought.

Fish everywhere.  Completely recognizable fish pieces.  Down the wall.  In Kyler’s bed.  All the way onto the carpet.  This is beyond what Christopher can handle.  I think about this time he started doing the dishes in the kitchen.  I get Caleb in the bath and start picking up chunks.  I use a half a pack of baby wipes, about 40 of them no joke.  I have fish vomit in my fingernails.  Deep breaths trying not to hurl.

I make a bed on the floor for Caleb after the 30 minutes of chunk-removal-work in his room.  He is happy to go back to sleep now next to his bowl.

Now the real disaster.  I go to the family room where all the dirty linens are piled.  We have a fragile washer.  It does basic washing okay.  But not heavy duty.  Not chunks.  Not great with my (kids) cloth diapers.  Fish vomit I figure will completely do it in.  I ask Christopher for suggestions.  He says “You could take it all to the laundrymat tomorrow”.  I say, “Three busy kids, one puking kid,  in a laundrymat with 4 loads of fish puke blankets?  That is insane.”

It’s late and dark.  I drag the blankets outside and hang each one over the deck railing.  Two are loaded with chunks not compatible with my washer.  I decide my only option is to shake them out onto the grass.

Only…did I mention it’s dark?  I thought I had the worst one turned the right way (away from me) but I did not.  I shook with all my might and wet, sticky pieces of fish covered my chest, neck, shoulders, arms, face and hair.  There is no way to describe how gross that was.  I threw the blanket down and starting picking food off as quick as I could.  There were pieces in my hair I could not get out.  If I wasn’t sure before, I knew then that I was headed for the shower.

Still having a great deal of work to do on these blankets, my next idea was to get out the hose.  This proved a far better plan.  I turned it on high and (close to midnight now) sprayed the heck out of the blankets.  Chunks flew off (only this time not on me) and then I spray cleaned the deck as well.  Now they were ready for my washing machine.  Thank goodness.

The rest of the night Caleb quietly used the bowl I’d given him and he slept till morning.  I got up with Audrey 3 times and was able to get the laundry mostly through by morning.  Wonderful.

All this to say, I’m not sure I will ever be able to dine at Ivar’s again.  It will never be the same.