In cleaning a few weeks ago, I found this letter I penned just about 2 years ago.  Tumultuous would have been a mild way to describe the status of our life. We were facing huge change and loss and everything felt out of control.

I was overcome with emotion as I read.  And remembered…

My beloved.

It’s been a long year.

A longer 8 weeks.

An even longer 10 days.

I have a lot of observations and thoughts about our life together, why it has been so hard, why there has been so much pain, why we’ve had more than our share of struggle.  Those aside, I just want you to know that though the road has been bumpy and left us bruised and broken more times than we can count-I would walk through it all again to have the privilege of making this beautiful family with you and following Jesus by your side.

I believe in you.

Let me say it again, I believe in you.  I have watched you find Jesus, walk with Him, walk away from Him, make good choices, makes poor ones, thrive in your talents and gifting and falter in your weakness.  I have watched your heart break.  I have watched you rebuild and roll up your sleeves as you have relentlessly pursued healing and restoration in your life and in our marriage.

Whatever this next season looks like, wherever it is going to take place, however great the amount of change and struggle-I want you to know, I need you to know that I am in it WITH you.  I stopped wondering when we would ‘arrive’ in a place of near-perfectness and ease.  I am done waiting for a magical place of ‘easy life’.  We’ll never be there.  Ever.

But we are here.  Today.  Together.

And my heart bursts with price for who you are allowing God to mold you into, what you’ve let him do with your heart.  I am secretly excited for the way we will have to trust Him to care for us in the coming months.

Because He will.  And we will get to watch.

I love you more than I ever thought possible.  I choose you, even if I could see every hard thing we’d walk through.  I would still choose you.  I choose pushing through, working hard, letting go, dying to myself, moving forward and believing with you for great things.

My thankful list this Monday is short and all hinges of the absolute miracles God can do with the human heart.  Our life, our family, our marriage is testimony to just that.  If this “love day” finds you less than confident in love…can I just say to you today that there isn’t any heart-challenge that the redeeming love God gives can’t mend?  I used to say that because it sounded good – but now it is a resounding truth that sits deep in my soul because I’ve sat by in wonder and watched it happen.

Now to keep counting…

#372 – breaking years long destructive habits

#373 – learning over and again that incredible beauty is born out of great pain

#374 – looking back and seeing the faithfulness of God

#375 – realizing how much love is a choice not a feeling

#376 – how the “worst thing ever” can become a treasured gift

#377 – pure, unceasing, overflowing, perfect love

#378 – the fruit of saying “yes” when you want to say “enough, I’m done”

#379 – watching grace infiltrate our union