Taking care of everyone else in this house takes up most of my time. When the day is done and everyone else is bathed, fed and full of new information and ideas….I am often spent and empty.
I don’t do a great job at factoring in margin for myself. With Chris gone as much as he is, my little coffee shop getaways and afternoons spent browsing the thrift store are a distant memory (at least in frequency). When I get away, it’s to meal plan, get school/craft supplies, fix the car, go to a mtg, get a gift for someone or simply shop for groceries. I feel like I’m always on a mission for something and don’t really even possess the ability to take my guard down and relax.
This has all sorts of ramifications but the most obvious are things like the old adage that goes something like “When mama ain’t happy, nobody ain’t happy”. My lack of care for myself, my lack of time spent in stillness (which is a huge matter of discipline for me, one I’m utterly failing in at present) and my lack of rest/sleep in general impact the very core of our home in a monumental way.
I hate that. At least today I do. I can go months and feel like I’m dealing all right with the burden of responsibility on my shoulders but then comes a few things that put me over the top. Extra challenging behavior from a child. Another’s sleep habits reverting back to newborn baby style sleep. Bad manners from my kids one too many times at the dinner table. Am I raising children or farm animals I wondered one night this week?
So when I get in a funk and struggle to see beyond the momentary mishaps of life, everybody else seems to join me there. Then we’re just a ball of fun to be with 🙂
That doesn’t seem fair to me. But nobody asked me unfortunately. God gifted me with these little people and chose me above anyone else to be their mother. He has proven His goodness to me for decades and has never left me alone in the desert.
But sometimes I still question. I still dare to wonder why. And my wondering never takes me anywhere but right back to what I know to be true.
God is His infinite faithfulness and love for me, will walk with me and carry me along on the journey even when I feel like I can’t take another step.
One way I’m working on taking care of me is planning to attend a conference in January put on by the author of my favorite books on being a mom. Every book of hers I’ve read has ministered to my heart. And I know that spending two days hearing her speak will be even better.
If you are a mom and there is any way you can attend one of her conferences I am sure you will be blessed by being there. I am attending the one in Denver in January and can hardly wait.
In the meantime, I’m heading to Arizona for a week with all four little ones to visit a dear friend and her three kids. Should be an adventure and I’m sure the sunshine and the friendship will be good for all of us!