Skinny jeans for the not-quite-skinny
The full circle of fashion is sometimes quite amusing.
It was 15 years ago that skinny (then called ‘tapered’) jeans were cool. It was convenient that I was skinny then so they worked out okay for me.
Four babies and a fair bit of baby weight later…I should have figured that skinny jeans probably are not in the cards for me.
However, a few months ago after my husband surprised me with Uggs one Saturday afternoon, I thought I ought to give them a try. The boots were so cute but under jeans you couldn’t see their flair. I came home with a pair that I thought looked as decent as any and wore them for the past few months.
I’m not sure why but something possessed me to ask my sweet husband a few days ago this simple question…
“Do these jeans look good on me?”
Now, honestly I wanted a truthful answer. It may seem loaded but from my end it wasn’t.
But the poor guy, I could see him take a deep breath in and he carefully responded in a calm and cool voice –
“Why do you ask me these questions? What am I supposed to say?”
I see panic in his face but I myself am truly not worked up, just trying to sort through the issue of these jeans that has been bothering me. Really, should they be shelved or shouldn’t they? So I prod a bit further…
“Do you think I look good in these jeans is what I’m asking? Do you like them on me?”
He pauses and ponders and I feel now a little bit guilty for causing such a to-do about a pair of jeans but clearly, there is more to the issue here than jeans-at least that is I’m sure what he’s thinking at this point. This is his oh-so-diplomatic response to the woman he loves –
“I like you. And you like those jeans.”
So there was my answer. I smiled at him and put the jeans away.
It’s taken 10 years but we can finally have a conversation about my clothing and how it looks and not suffer from a day or two long cold-shoulder or high blood pressure or any other significant trauma.
I remind myself that I know well and good how much he loves me and that it doesn’t hinge on what jeans I wear. I don’t give myself permission to be irrational and make a big fuss about his answer.
Why we (most) women tend to make it so difficult and ask such ‘hard’ questions of the ones we love, I’ll never know. But for me at least, actually wanting an honest opinion instead of wanting to have the truth stretched into something that made me feel better is one of my secrets to increased marital bliss.